Walking the path from coercion to absolute freedom.
Step into the lived reality of Toy Burks—founder, creator, and outreach specialist. Experience the intricate, often invisible descent of a 2-year volatility crisis in Lawrenceville, and the courageous rebuilding through community faith and survivor advocacy.
Toy Burks
Age 40Founder, Creator & Outreach Specialist
Former owner of a thriving family childcare center in Lawrenceville. Navigated a complex two-year domestic volatility crisis before finding profound liberation through community faith and dedicated advocacy.
Toy's Story & Comprehensive Simulation
A survivor of domestic violence sharing her imperfect, authentic journey from coercion to absolute freedom, recovery advocacy, and empowerment.
Toy Burks
Recovery Advocate & Domestic Violence Awareness Specialist
Former childcare center owner in Lawrenceville, mother of two, and survivor who has transformed her personal trial into a mission of lighting the way for others.
"I am a survivor of domestic violence, and I would like to take a few minutes to share a part of my story. I will tell you that it includes ugly & imperfect bits and pieces, that I had to learn from, the hard way. Please know that my story is not meant to offend, harm or bring negative attention to anyone including my abuser. Instead, it is meant to inspire and give power to everyone I share it with. It also highlights the importance of empowering survivors, like me, to reclaim their lives and engage in meaningful work."
Why I Introduce Myself as a Recovery Advocate
So, I must admit, it feels a bit strange when I introduce myself and share my title as a Recovery Advocate and Domestic Violence Awareness Specialist. And if you allow me to, I will explain why…
Around 8 years ago, my life seemed perfect. I had been happily married for two decades, living in a lovely home in Lawrenceville with my husband and our two amazing children. I cherished my family and everything we had.
We lived a nice comfortable lifestyle. My ex-husband was and still is a manager at a large pharmaceutical company, and I owned and operated a childcare center. We were rooted in our Christian faith, or so I thought. And we were truly happy—until suddenly, we were not.
The Descent: When Everything Changed
One day, everything changed. My husband came home and turned our world upside down. I went from being his adored wife and best friend to being treated like a nobody and a beast, which is what he called me. He would degrade me and become angry, aggressive, and intimidating, demanding me to “submit to him” and pressuring me to shut down my business.
And he refused to take responsibility for the never-ending chaos he brought into our once peaceful home.
Over the course of two years, things grew progressively worse. He became more aggressive, malicious, and did things that made me question my own sanity! Unfortunately, our children witnessed so much.
Unbeknownst to me, he stopped paying our mortgage and he stopped coming home, and when he would come home, he would be intoxicated.
The Crisis and the Turning Point
Our home and this new way of life included far too many visits from the Lawrence Police Department (they got to know me very well during that time), guns, jail time for him, and me, after being provoked, multiple restraining orders, the closure of my child-care center, extended periods of financial hardship, and, eventually, the kids and I secretly packing up our things and leaving our beloved home.
Reliance on government assistance followed. I even had to use food-stamps to feed my children.
During this tumultuous time, I turned to my church for guidance. Pastor Gay (who has now passed away) with compassion, reminded me that God does not approve of abuse or abandonment within a marriage.
And then, following another crisis, a domestic violence advocate came to the Lawrence Police Station to meet with me. She listened and believed me, and then I received invaluable help through counseling.
Reclaiming Life and Giving Back
It wasn’t until 8 years later in 2023 that I finally felt like myself again. I was so grateful for the help others were willing to give, I had to give back and so became a domestic violence and sexual assault Crisis Response Volunteer.
Shortly after, I received a job offer, doing exactly what I was totally willing to do as a volunteer! I have since added Recovery Advocate to my resume assisting in Recovery to those addicted to alcohol and substance abuse.
In these incredible positions, I get to directly help victims of domestic and sexual violence and addicts. I also get to creatively raise awareness and share my own story about “a once adored wife who became a nobody and a victim and then a survivor and now a specialist!"
Every day, I thank Jesus and pray for the strength and the opportunities to fulfill this unexpected yet important work and continue to light the way for other victims, survivors, and overcomers who have endured similar experiences.
The Psychological Necessity of Virtual Empathy.
Traditional educational materials often fail to convey the suffocating cognitive load of domestic abuse. By placing participants inside true narrative trajectories—such as Toy Burks's 2-year Lawrenceville crisis—VICARIOUS bridges the empathy gap without endangering real lives.
- Trauma-Informed Logic: Avoids triggering re-traumatization while accurately mirroring coercive control tactics.
- Accountability & Insight: Designed for law enforcement, legal professionals, community leaders, and students.
- Systemic Awareness: Exposes institutional roadblocks, victim-blaming traps, and the vital role of community faith.
Absolute Safety First
Every element is built with survivor safety as the primary axiom, including instant exit protocols and zero persistent tracking.
Community Resilience
Highlighting how faith networks, childcare center communities, and specialized WS advocacy catalyze profound recovery.
Decision Consequence
Each of the 15 decision nodes demonstrates how subtle compliance vs. subtle boundary setting alters long-term safety outcomes.
True Story Fidelity
Grounded in the authentic experiences of Toy Burks and verified survivors who transformed trauma into outreach leadership.
The 9 Core Dynamics of Coercive Control
Domestic abuse rarely starts with physical violence. It operates through a calculated matrix of control mechanisms meticulously explored in VICARIOUS simulations.
Coercion & Threats
Threatening injury, abandoning children, destroying childcare business assets, or threatening self-harm to enforce compliance.
Intimidation
Using looks, actions, gestures, smashing objects, or destroying property to instill chronic terror without direct physical strikes.
Emotional Abuse
Systematic humiliation, constant insulting, name-calling, playing mind games, and making the survivor doubt their own sanity.
Isolation
Controlling where the survivor goes, who they see, what they read, and cutting off vital ties with family, friends, and community faith groups.
Minimizing & Denying
Making light of the abuse, saying it didn't happen, or shifting responsibility for abusive behavior onto the survivor's actions.
Using Children
Making the survivor feel guilty regarding the kids, using children to relay messages, or threatening custody deprivation.
Economic Abuse
Controlling all finances, preventing the partner from obtaining or keeping employment, or sabotaging business operations like childcare centers.
Using Privilege
Treating the partner like a servant, making all major decisions unilaterally, and acting as the absolute ruler of the household domain.
Digital Surveillance
Monitoring phone calls, tracking vehicle locations, demanding constant check-ins, and installing spyware across personal devices.
Are you or someone you know experiencing domestic volatility?
You are not alone. Help is available 24/7, completely free and confidential. Reaching out is an act of profound courage.
Safety Reminder: If you are in immediate physical danger, please call 911 right away. If you suspect your internet usage is being monitored, use a public computer or a trusted friend's device, and remember the Quick Exit button at the top of this page.